Welp...

Still not pregnant and saving up some cash before anymore medicated cycles. So, that's that - for now.

But, I need to vent a bit.
I need to "complain" about 90% of the emotional "10 things you need to know about special needs moms" articles I find online.

I disagree with the majority of the things on the list. Does that mean I suck at being the mom to a special needs kid? I don't *Think* so... I mean, she seems pretty fond of me.

Almost all of the lists say something along the lines of, "I'm jealous of  my friends healthy kids" - no. No I'm not. I am happy that my friends don't have to struggle in the ways that I do and that I get to watch their kids grow and develop at a "typical" rate. Am I sad that Em doesn't get to do all of that? That I can't experience it with her? Absolutely! But being jealous because my friends had first steps and potty training moments... that just seems shitty. I guess what I'm saying - I can mourn the things Em's will never do without being jealous or taking away from the amazing things that my friends kiddos are doing. But, that's just me.

Another thing that's always on those damn lists... "If you really want to help parents who spend a lot of time in the hospital or taking care of sick/disabled child - give them a gift card for gas or groceries or cash." Yes, some people are struggling but this statement is on every list I see and honestly? If you want to help when Em is sick... bring me a pan of lasagna one night so I don't have to cook or come have coffee with me while I monitor her oxygen levels and heart rate like a hawk. I don't crave monetary gifts... I crave friendship and support - something that unfortunately, is hard to find when you are raising a kid like Em. It's funny - When I could go out drinking whenever I felt like, I had more "friends" than I knew what to do with. When she was a cute, fun, easy baby... everyone wanted to visit. Now that our days are filled with GTube feedings, deep suctioning, seizures and supplemental oxygen --- I could count my FRIENDS on one hand.

It's a hard life, but I really feel like so much of what I read online... makes us moms look like these delicate flowers. Like we need pity and we NEED people to walk on eggshells. Please don't do either of those with me and never feel sorry for me, EVER. Please feel free to tell me I'm when I'm being bitch; please talk to me like a person... like someone who is more than the mother of a special needs child. Don't only use me as a resource for your concerns or sounding board for your health problems. I'm still me... I'm still a person who likes to laugh and have fun and I would love to be treated that way.

Last but not least... I completely get the sentiment behind "God never gives us more than we can handle", I've even said it a million times - but, we don't magically get super strength when we give birth to child with special needs. I wasn't given more strength or patience than any other mother out there. I'm tired 90% of the time, just like you. I struggle. I cry. But I do what has to be done. I'm only human.

Slacker.

I'm a complete slacker... sorry.
E is doing really well, so nothing to update there! Her hips are doing well and now we get to go 3 months without seeing ortho instead of going every 6 weeks! Yay!

I had my 3rd iui and I'm 10dpo. BFN this morning, but at least I know the trigger is out of my system. Trying to hold off a few more days before testing again! (We'll see)

Laundry is calling my name so I have to cut this short. I will try not to suck so much in the near future. Promise.

Must fill the "M".

CD1... month 29/cycle 21/iui #2 was a bust.
My inlaws gave me a metal "M" to hang I the kitchen - it holds wine corks. Time to start filling it.

I was a grump in my last post, so, I will keep this one a little more upbeat.
Christmas was great (even if the iui was a bust)... E had a blast and we were surrounded by family.  It was perfect. I was also able to show off a little something sparkly that I received around Thanksgiving.

Last year, Mr M bought me a cute little diamond ring... my original engagement ring went MIA while I was pregnant. (Sniff sniff) Anyways, the one he gave me last year had a loose stone so we went to the jeweler and I ended up picking out all of the stones for and designing a new ring. It's perfect and I still can't stop starting at it.  I'm a lucky lady.

On the E front... we find out Monday if she needs another hip surgery - so any extra prayers, please send them along!

I'm adding some pictures from Christmas, because... well, I love seeing my kid smile.
(I'm mobile, so if they are huge - sorry and I will fix them asap!)

NLB's

Nasty Little Bitches... The nickname my best friend and I have for my ovaries.

IUI was Christmas Day - all went smoothly.

I ended up in the office a few days later. I have two 7cm hemorrhagic cysts on my left ovary and that sweet little 2.5cm ovary is up to a whopping 8cm. Blah.

I'm a negative Nancy so, I will keep this short. 11dpiui and a BFN. If I don't get a BFP I will be benched for at least a cycle or two until these ugly little jerks hit the road. Damn you, NLB's. Damn you!

Ho Ho Ho!

A Christmas morning IUI? Don't mind if I do. I had 2 mature follicles at this mornings ultrasound... Which means I trigger tonight and head in for my IUI at 6:30am on Christmas.
My lining is the best it's ever been on a medicated cycle... 12mm with a triple stripe. She sure was a beauty. If nothing else, it makes for an extra exciting day!

Bloatzilla, raaawr.

Um, this is nuts. I look pregnant. I'm assuming it's the Femara but I have no clue. Anyone else legitimately feel/look like this on it...

Oh hey, here I am!

I've been MIA for a while... Things have been busy with Miss E.
Her right hip is fully healed from surgery but her left is still 100% broken where they cut the femur. It's producing tissue instead of new bone growth. She gets about 5 more weeks and if there is still no healing of the bone, she will have another surgery. Fingers crossed!

As for me - I'm finally back on a medicated cycle. I did 2.5mg of Femara and had a follicle check today on cd13.... Nada. Well, some itty bitty stuff. So I'm stair stepping for the first time ever and taking 5mg for 5 days starting today with another follicle check on Monday the 23rd. If I have a big, beautiful follicle or two... I will have an IUI on Wednesday. Yup, Christmas! 🎄 That would be a pretty great gift, but I'm not getting my hopes up. My last IUI was on Valentines day - we like holidays.

Come on, Monday!