Vacation, all I ever wanted! Vacation, had to get away!

First off... TTC related, I'm almost positive I'm out this cycle. I have all the PMS symptoms and AF will be here within the next week - The only good part of that? I'm on CD26 - WITHOUT meds. So this is how the other half lives! (The ones who don't need meds to ovulate and have 50-100+ day cycles) I could get used to this. But I won't.

We are planning our family vacation to a tiny cabin on a lake in the middle of nowhere in VT, we are leaving July 27th. (Mr M's uncle is half owner and we go every summer for 1 week) It's beautiful... but secluded. My OCD/anxiety ridden self (diagnosed, not one of those people who is like, "OMG I am sooooo OCD". Since E came along, OCD and anxiety have popped up. Did she have this med? Am I SURE she did? Make sure her oxygen is on... 10 times. and it is. Don't sleep, she might stop breathing! ETC...) well, the lists have started. First of all, we will be 3 1/2 hours from her hospital. The one with all of her specialists, the one who has known her since birth. We will be about 30 minutes from the nearest hospital - and that scares the shit out of me. I freak out for weeks before this vacation every year. Horrible panic attacks. Then everything is absolutely perfect while we are there. I don't know if I would consider it irrational, because I have reasons... and it doesn't interfere with our trip - it's always perfect. I'm just a list making, heart racing, over-packing basket case.

With all of that being said... the 3 of us NEED this time alone together and I can not wait. E is having her huge hip surgery on September 3rd... because of her respiratory issues and her brain damage and the fact that she could be under anesthesia for up to 8 hours - there is a 10-20% chance she won't wake up or will end up on the vent long term. (I will be asking for prayers on TB that day, even if it's in poor taste and completely unrelated to TTC.) We just really need this vacation to do absolutely nothing but enjoy eachother and every single giggle. So all of the stress leading up to it, is TINY when you look at the big picture :)

Anyways, I hope everyone had a nice 4th of July. We had a blast! Sun, swimming, grilling... perfection!

Mr M on the 4th...he has magical powers!

July 1st...

Today we hit the 2 year mark of trying to get pregnant... 24 months - that's 730 days. Those are some big, scary and overwhelming numbers. I'm having a rough day.
I know that we are doing all that we can and that should make me feel better... but it makes me feel worse. We are giving it all we can, doing everything "right" and it's STILL not happening? I'm just so angry and so sad all at the same time!

I'm going to cry it out today, drink some wine tonight and wait for a good day... thankfully, I'm blessed with FAR more good days than bad days!

On to happier news!
E was finally baptized on Saturday! In the Greek church, you receive your first communion at the same time as your baptism. The picture below is of E receiving her first communion... spoon in her mouth, smiling away at the priest! I love that little girl so much. It was a beautiful day, filled with so much love and hope. It was amazing. Her gown was made completely from my wedding dress!