Welp...

Still not pregnant and saving up some cash before anymore medicated cycles. So, that's that - for now.

But, I need to vent a bit.
I need to "complain" about 90% of the emotional "10 things you need to know about special needs moms" articles I find online.

I disagree with the majority of the things on the list. Does that mean I suck at being the mom to a special needs kid? I don't *Think* so... I mean, she seems pretty fond of me.

Almost all of the lists say something along the lines of, "I'm jealous of  my friends healthy kids" - no. No I'm not. I am happy that my friends don't have to struggle in the ways that I do and that I get to watch their kids grow and develop at a "typical" rate. Am I sad that Em doesn't get to do all of that? That I can't experience it with her? Absolutely! But being jealous because my friends had first steps and potty training moments... that just seems shitty. I guess what I'm saying - I can mourn the things Em's will never do without being jealous or taking away from the amazing things that my friends kiddos are doing. But, that's just me.

Another thing that's always on those damn lists... "If you really want to help parents who spend a lot of time in the hospital or taking care of sick/disabled child - give them a gift card for gas or groceries or cash." Yes, some people are struggling but this statement is on every list I see and honestly? If you want to help when Em is sick... bring me a pan of lasagna one night so I don't have to cook or come have coffee with me while I monitor her oxygen levels and heart rate like a hawk. I don't crave monetary gifts... I crave friendship and support - something that unfortunately, is hard to find when you are raising a kid like Em. It's funny - When I could go out drinking whenever I felt like, I had more "friends" than I knew what to do with. When she was a cute, fun, easy baby... everyone wanted to visit. Now that our days are filled with GTube feedings, deep suctioning, seizures and supplemental oxygen --- I could count my FRIENDS on one hand.

It's a hard life, but I really feel like so much of what I read online... makes us moms look like these delicate flowers. Like we need pity and we NEED people to walk on eggshells. Please don't do either of those with me and never feel sorry for me, EVER. Please feel free to tell me I'm when I'm being bitch; please talk to me like a person... like someone who is more than the mother of a special needs child. Don't only use me as a resource for your concerns or sounding board for your health problems. I'm still me... I'm still a person who likes to laugh and have fun and I would love to be treated that way.

Last but not least... I completely get the sentiment behind "God never gives us more than we can handle", I've even said it a million times - but, we don't magically get super strength when we give birth to child with special needs. I wasn't given more strength or patience than any other mother out there. I'm tired 90% of the time, just like you. I struggle. I cry. But I do what has to be done. I'm only human.