It's Starting!

     Someone, please come steal some of my Christmas spirit. (Mr. M would appreciate it.) I am not 100% sure why but I am completely throwing myself into it this year. Part of me thinks that it's because I know that if I slow down, give myself time to actually think... I would end up sad. This whole "trying to get pregnant" journey, I've fought the desire to be sad. I've allowed myself to be angry and frustrated even disappointed but for some reason, I feel like I'm not entitled to be sad. I have one child... A child we were told wouldn't be with us long, what do I have to be sad about?? Yes, she is enough. More than enough. E is absolutely amazing and loved more than I could ever put into words! But, I would be lying if I said a part of me didn't long for first words and first steps. First dates and weddings. Would I be ok if E is the only child we are blessed with? Ok is an understatement. We would be ecstatic and thankful for her... Like we already are! Everyday! Does this change the fact that I would like a 2nd child? No. Does wanting a 2nd child mean we are any less thankful for E? No way! It's just a really tough emotion to put into words. Anyways... I guess this is why I don't feel like I am allowed to be sad. I already have so much AMAZING in my life. So much love.
     The tree is up. The stockings are up. The presents (what we have so far) are wrapped and Christmas music has been playing since Friday! E is loving all of it! The lights, the sounds... Her smile is amazing!
     It's surreal. This is our 2nd Christmas trying to get pregnant. Last year, I was so convinced I'd be pregnant by Christmas that I ordered Mr. M this big fortune cookie and had the fortune say "congratulations Daddy, E is going to be a big sister"! Christmas came and went. Ok, I will hold onto it for Valentines Day... Nope. Mr. M's birthday in March? Nice thought... But no. I ended up just giving it to him. We nibbled at the cookie and threw the fortune out. You never expect it to take this long. But, we have some amazing people to help get through. I really only talk talk to one friend about all of this, Mrs. L, and she is amazing. A huge support and one of the best people I have ever met. We laugh... A lot. 17 years of friendship does that to people. Brings us back to giggling 11 year olds on the playground. I love it.
     I am using the blogger app on my phone and I'm not a fan. My spacebar completely broke off my laptop so I am stuck with my phone and kindle for now. I wanted to add a picture of our tree... But I'm not sure if that's even possible. Hmmm....
Hey, it worked ;)